Font ResizeOne of them bore the headline "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job."
"In his new high-stress, low-reward position," the story said, "Obama will be charged with such tasks as completely overhauling the nation's broken-down economy, repairing the crumbling infrastructure, and generally having to please more than 300 million Americans and cater to their every whim on a daily basis."
The other story was headlined "Nation Finally (Crappy) Enough To Make Social Progress."
It contained a made-up quote from NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams.
"Today Americans have grudgingly taken a giant leap forward. And all it took was a severe economic downturn, a bloody and unjust war, terrorist attacks on lower Manhattan, nearly 2,000 deaths in New Orleans, and more than three centuries of frequently violent racial turmoil.
"The American people should be commended for their long-overdue courage."
I thought about those "stories" Tuesday when York, finally, elected its first African-American mayor, Kim Bracey. It was long overdue, as a symbolic matter, but I couldn't help but think that she worked hard, knocked on a lot of doors, gave a bunch of speeches and was forced to suck up to some of the most loathsome critters in the local political menagerie for the right to secure what has to be one of the worst
That's no knock on Bracey's qualifications. She was clearly the best candidate, but to be frank, the bar was set fairly low. I mean, her opponent's platform consisted of attracting an NFL franchise to York and his style of campaigning made former GOP presidential candidate Fred Thompson's somnambulant campaign look like a well-oiled, energetic machine.
It's just that she's taking over a job that has very little upside.
Just like Obama.
Optimists always like to say that the city isn't that bad and point to some positive things that seem to back up that claim. They point to the development along North George Street and the improvement of South George Street and in Olde Towne East. They point to the baseball stadium and the Northwest Triangle development.
But optimism, I've always believed, is a dangerous thing. Yes, we do have that nice shiny baseball stadium. But at the same time, venturing downtown after 5 p.m. is like
entering one of those "Twilight Zone" episodes where every human being on the face of the earth simply vanishes.
And yes, developers have renovated some old buildings into nice apartments and condos downtown, but just a few blocks east, you have houses falling down and an entire block that had to be razed after catching on fire.
Optimism and nice thoughts aren't going to balance the budget or put cops on the street or finally figure out how to solve the city's pension problems or even pick up the trash or sweep the streets.
There are a lot of reasons to be pessimistic about the city. The perception is crime is out of control and that it's a dangerous, violent place and that businesses are fleeing or closing their doors, and that the housing stock is crumbling -- or any minute now, a mutated frog the size of Rush Limbaugh will crawl out of the Codorus and get slime all over the new ballpark.
And Bracey will be expected to fix it all -- right now.
Which would be quite a feat even if the city weren't so fiscally challenged.
As it is, she will take over as chief executive of a city that needs a lot of help, and as such, she will spend a good deal of her time, to paraphrase The Onion, trying to cater to every whim of every person in the city.
Sort of like how Obama came into office facing a pile of huge problems -- war, a collapsed economy and everything else -- and now he has to spend a lot of time fending off the idiotic complaints from people who want government to keep their hands off Medicare and are demanding to see his birth certificate. (Those people are called southern Republican congressmen.)
And in addition to all of the economic problems, Bracey still had to deal with the whole racial thing. The Wall Street Journal, in a story about the election, reported, "Recently, vandals painted 'KKK' on signs leading to a community housing development."
Of course, the Journal story painted a very flattering picture of York as the kind of place that would elect a black person to serve as mayor as a last resort. (It's called sarcasm, OK?) On the plus side, the story did say York hasn't had a race riot in 40 years.
The Journal also reported York was one of the poorest cities in the state, or maybe the universe, with a median income of $13,000, putting York in a league with other third-world cities such as Rio, Calcutta and Roanoke, Va. Of course, that figure was incorrect; the correct figure, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, is $27,640. The Journal did correct the error.
See, that's a lot better. To put it into context, the median income in Detroit, where the most popular profession is unemployed auto worker and liquor store hold-up artist, is $28,364, according to the Census Bureau.
The Journal also cited York's rising crime rate and the loss of manufacturing jobs -- hey, just like Detroit. And pretty soon, one of our more popular professions could be unemployed Harley worker.
The story neglected to mention, completely, that it's been decades since the Codorus Creek caught on fire.
You have to wonder why Bracey wanted the job. Maybe she thinks she can make a difference in a city where any small advancement is more than welcome.
It's going to be a tough job.
As The Onion story about Obama getting the nation's worst job concluded, "It just goes to show you that, in this country, a black man (or woman) still can't catch a break."
Mike Argento's column appears Mondays and Fridays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints. Reach him at mike@ydr.com or 771-2046. Read more Argento columns at www.inyork.com/ydr -- click on the opinion section -- or visit his blog at www.mikeargento.com.
