When it is time to leave

Children! Wonderful children, God's gift of his love. Grateful we have been for ours.

Recently, I was reflecting on the vacations the family took when the children were young. One of the girls always would take a last look into her bedroom and say "Goodbye little room, goodbye little bed, goodbye little books, etc." We would smile as she repeated this ritual each time we left and upon return would greet her treasures.

We had the opportunity to visit with a dear friend who is confined to a nursing home for the present. On the built-in bureau provided for her was an 8-by-10 picture of her home with her stepson standing in front of it. If you didn't know better, you would have declared it was her husband, the two men looked so much alike.

The picture was so located that she could get a full view of the house that she and her husband had shared for so long and for which she yearned to be at this time.

Do you remember when you had to leave your home because you no longer could take care of yourself because of your health? Remember, if it was possible, walking through the house for the last time? Memories! Wonderful, meaningful memories flooded your mind and emotions. Now, the time had come to say farewell. It wasn't easy, and as you reflect on it even this morning, it brings a tear to your eye. They say "all good things must come to an end," and in many instances it is true. As seniors, we become more and more aware of our frailties and our mortality. We

But to all of us there will come a time to leave!

Everyone can't afford the luxurious retirement centers. Trying to live alone is dangerous, and though you think you have the stamina to do so, you soon find out that a brief visit home sometimes puts you in a perilous situation. But our hearts, minds and memories tell us that we can do it. But reality warns that when it is time to leave, do it as gracefully as possible.

The old body reminds us that other arrangements are for our well-being. Hoping that your funds will hold out soon becomes a nightmare. For those who are fortunate to have family, soon, as much as you are loved and appreciated, caring for you is no longer possible and is overpowering to all concerned and it is in everyone's interest that the change must take place.

Over the years I've visited many hospital rooms and/or nursing homes. Often my heart has bled as I saw the person being visited slowly ebbing away from me and reality. Often as I have had a closing prayer with that dear one for whom I have prayed, I concluded "Dear God, please give them strength for the journey!" On several occasions by the time I had left the building and gotten into my car, they were gone.

Often I had told my assistant at the senior center about some of my visits and the prayer. Because of my own recent inabilities and confinement, I could not visit her when she was admitted for cancer. Her first question to me was, "Who told you I was here? Why are you calling? Why are you here?"

My response was that I was impressed to call you and check on you. When we concluded the conversation I had a prayer for her. I felt the need to pray, "Dear God, give her strength for her journey!" Sad to say, within hours, she was gone. She knew!

I often reflect on our last conversation. She feared perhaps that I would pray "that" prayer.

This meeting together this morning is not to start your day off to make you feel depressed. Just to remind you, that whatever lies ahead for you and me that we, too, must have strength for our journey.

Until then, let your heart not be fretful or fearful.

I visited a man in the intensive care unit the night one of my granddaughters was born. His companion said, "Oh, Richard, I'm so glad to see you. Frank is in horrible condition, etc." As I entered, he lay in his bed in agony of mind and spirit. Reared as a Catholic, having been an altar boy, he had wandered far from his faith and his God. I had visited him many times. As I left the intensive care unit I could hear him screaming and cursing. What a way to go. All the words and prayers that had been offered seemed useless in that hour. It was his time to go.

Whether we live or die, whether we have to stay or go, we all should be ready to say farewell. Will we be satisfied when it is time to leave? May we leave with the assurance that we know from the depth of your being that, "yes, it's TIME to leave!"

Elisabeth Kubler Ross, noted Swiss-American writer and psychiatrist, dealing with the subject of death and dying, wrote, "If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow." Then, we can safely say goodbye for it is indeed time to leave.

Richard W. Bowers' twice-monthly column in the York Daily Record focuses on issues and problems facing older citizens.