Font ResizeWhether it's the end of a 30-year marriage or moving on after months of dating, the saying holds true: Breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes, readers say, it's even harder than you expected.
Yes, you will cry. You will be lonely. You are likely to eat pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream or withdraw from the world for a while. These are the things you expect with the end of a romantic relationship.
What might come as a surprise are feelings of guilt, relief or physical pain.
Carrie Truex, a counselor with Memorial Behavioral Health, said people can sometimes be caught off guard by the way a breakup brings up the pain of earlier losses.
"Grief is cumulative," she said. "It has a kindling effect, so when you throw a log (such as a breakup) on the fire, the intensity of (past losses) tends to rise."
Below, readers share bits of wisdom they wish they had known about breaking up.
Name: Carol Flory
Age: 49
Residence: Dover Township
Marital status: Engaged
What nobody tells you: If it was meant to be, he'll come back. If you love him enough, you need to let him go.
Name: Chris Sewell
Age: 19
Residence: Hanover
Marital status: Single
What nobody tells you: It's harder to actually go through with a breakup in the moment than when
Name: Brett Musselman
Age: 24
Residence: West York
Marital status: In a relationship
What nobody tells you: That you might lose friends you had in common.
Name: Diana Six
Age: 42
Residence: East Hopewell Township
Marital status: Divorced/single
What nobody tells you: Financially, it can be a big adjustment. But, in my situation, it was a big relief -- like a cloud lifted from over my head -- when he left. I was surprised at how little it affected me when it happened, but now, six-and-a-half years later, I'm concerned about my two children and how it will affect them. Being single is better than being in a situation where you're miserable and suffering.
Name: Nikki Glatfelter
Age: 22
Residence: Railroad
Marital status: In a relationship
What nobody tells you: I wish someone would have told me that when you get your heart broken, you actually have to endure a physical pain. In losing someone you love, they take your heart with them. It's not until they let your heart go does that pain stop. And, that's not always a guarantee. True love is hard to find.
Name: Christine Forrest
Age: 46
Residence: York
Marital status: Married
What nobody tells you: You might feel like you have loose ends, but he doesn't. He has already moved on and feels good about where he is, and anything else is just so much water off the back of a duck. You need to get out, make new friends and keep moving.
Name: Michelle Joyce
Age: 32
Residence: Stewartstown
Marital status: Married
What nobody tells you: The lesson I had to learn on my own is that no matter how much time passes and how much you think you're over it, there are always moments where it creeps up to get you. It could be years -- and even though you don't have the same feelings for the person, remembering the trauma of a divorce or everything you went through, it comes back. That's why it's important to meet people who have had the same experience -- you need that kind of support system. There's only so much that friends and family can handle, because you feel like that's all you want to talk about at times. People feel like you should get over it and be done with it but it doesn't always work that way.
Name: Richard Blymire
Age: 55
Residence: Spring Garden Township
Marital status: In process of getting divorced for second time
What nobody tells you: The first few weeks and months are the worst. It's one of those things you just never think can happen to you -- especially if you think everything is going well. Financially, it definitely breaks you.
Name: Tammie Sanders
Age: 18
Residence: Windsor Township
Marital status: In a relationship
What nobody tells you: Even though you break up with someone, you can still like them and want the best for them.
771-2034; jvogelsong@ydr.com
