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They shuttle kids to soccer practices and pick them up from after-school activities. They read bedtime stories. They serve dinner and step up financially when the going gets tough.
As Father's Day approaches, we thought it would be appropriate to ask some local dads what they wish they had known about the role before they had children. What words of wisdom (or caution!) they'd pass on to fathers-to-be.
From their answers, it's obvious that fatherhood is a job that you learn from experience.
Name: Pete Vaughn
Age: 33
Lives in: York
Father of: Gracyn Haley Vaughn, 22 months
What nobody tells you about being a dad:
Nobody told me that being a dad would mean I would use on-demand 24-7 to watch Mickey Mouse and Pingu over and over again.
Nobody told me I could throw out my alarm clock or that I would be waking up with The Wiggles.
Nobody told me I would eat what my daughter eats, including meals made up primarily of lima beans, blueberries and "puffs."
Nobody told me the Revs' mascot DownTown would be a household name and staple. Nobody told me I had to fold toddler laundry.
Name: Steve McLaughlin
Age: 47
Lives in: Springettsbury Township
Father of: Sarah, 11, and Seth, 8
What nobody tells you about being a dad: Before I became a Dad, no one told me:
The wonder held in 10 little fingers and toes.
How much fun reading "Mulberry Street" 100 times is.
How little events can bring such tears of joy.
That I would become a teacher, coach, cook, doctor, chauffeur and "mystic healer" all without any formal training.
I
About the healing power of a child's love.
About the comfort found in a child's hug.
How fast 10 years can pass.
Most of all, no one told me that the greatest privilege in the world is being called Dad!
Name: Charlie Smith
Age: 47
Lives in: York
Father of: Quyshae Murray, 6, and Chorlayia Smith, 20 months
What nobody tells you about being a dad: To be a dad is to love what you do for your family. It means being there when the chips are down; stepping up when your family needs you.
Name: Wayne Doughty
Age: 37
Lives in: Springettsburry Township
Father of: Wayne Jr., 14, and Ashley, 5
What nobody tells you about being a dad: It was going to be hard work but you learn as you go and as they grow up.
All the money you will be giving them when they reached that age (sports, shopping, food).
All the driving around for sports that they are in.
It wasn't going to be fun or easy. But you just do it.
Waking up at crazy hours when they need you, and you have to get up early for work.
But you do it. Because in the end, you know you will get those special words, "I love you, Daddy," and a hug at the end of the day.
Name: Jim Heindel
Age: 54
Lives in: Hellam Township
Father of: Jan, 29; Jed, 28; Josh, 25; Jesse, 22; and Jin, 19
What nobody tells you about being a dad: No one ever told me that children would be such a great blessing. My children are grown, but they continue to support me, love me and encourage me. There are so many fond memories of their growing-up years and the wonderful times we have had as a family. My best advice for dads and dads-to-be is to enjoy every moment and take the time to always be there for your children. You only have one time to experience each stage of their lives, so do your best.
Name: Andre F. Lijoi, M.D.
Age: 53
Lives in: Spring Garden Township
Father of: Katharine, 18, and Peter, 14
What nobody tells you about being a dad: When each of our children was born, it was just a matter of days before I reflected, "Why didn't anyone tell me about this?" The "this" was the incredibly moving and holy experience that fatherhood brings. What moved me most was the intense desire to love these children, to go beyond and out of myself, to be a better person in every way because of the responsibility and grace that comes with this opportunity to love and be loved. "This" experience of love is a testament to the genius of God's gift of life.
Name: Larry Long Jr.
Age: 26
Lives in: Red Lion
Father of: Conner, 2
What nobody tells you about being a dad: Becoming a father is by far the most eye-opening experience in my life. The thought that there is something so much bigger in your life is a truly humbling thing. To have something in your life that you love so unconditionally is a feeling that can not be duplicated by anything else.
You can buy almost anything, but you can never buy the love that a father shares with someone created from them. All the hopes and dreams, and hoping they take after you -- and at the same time, hoping they don't (in some aspects)!
It is every father's job to make sure that their children are afforded direction and opportunities that we now wish we had. It is your job to love them, pick them up, show them the right way after their way doesn't work. Be worthy of that love that you are receiving.
Name: Michael Werdin
Age: 42
Lives in: New Freedom
Father of: Andrew, 9; twins Adriana and Alison, 4.
What nobody tells you about being a dad: Fatherhood is the most important, demanding, wonderful thing to ever happen without a user manual. Fatherhood is constantly a series of checks and balances: "Have I pushed too much? Have I not pushed enough?" But most of all, fatherhood is rewarding.
Taking my son on Cub Scout adventures and seeing that light bulb come on. Teaching my kids to ride their bikes, feeling the concern of seeing them fall, but understanding that they must fall on their bikes, as in life. Finally, fatherhood is learning to let go in hopes you've taught well as you walk your daughters down the aisle.
771-2034; jvogelsong@ydr.com.
THIS SERIES
Numerous how-to books, articles and TV specials have been made about important life events such as marriage, college, retirement and childbirth. We think it would be more interesting to find out what people wish they had known before reaching these milestones. We're asking readers to think about what no one told them about 12 significant life events -- one for each month of 2008 -- to help others prepare for the future.
So far, we've wished we were told more about:
--- Dieting
--- Breakups
--- Buying a house
--- Office life
--- Childbirth
DID YOU KNOW?
64.3 million -- Estimate of how many fathers live in the United States.
159,000 -- Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in 2006. These are married fathers with children younger than 15 who have remained out of the labor force for at least one year so they can care for the family while their wives work outside the home.
2.5 million -- The number of single fathers in 2006. Forty-two percent of these fathers are divorced, 38 percent are never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed.
Source: www.census.gov
WHAT'S NEXT
Menopause. Every woman goes through it. Because older women don't always divulge to the younger generation what really happens during menopause, we'd like you to tell us.
Share what nobody told you about this stage of life. What do you wish you knew? What would you tell others embarking on the journey?
Send your response, in 100 words or less, to lburkey@ydr.com or to the York Daily Record/Sunday News c/o Laura Burkey, 1891 Loucks Road, York PA 19408-9708. Include your name, age, the municipality where you live and a daytime phone number.
Deadline is Friday.
